That's What She Said
by Feyren
Summary: The regulars unsuccessfully attempt to teach Akaya how to use 'that's what she said' jokes.


Another stupid one-shot. And an oddly inappropriate one at that. To be honest, I don't get these jokes much either. What is wrong with me? I won't do my homework (which is due very _very _soon) and I won't update _To Try _or anything else, for that matter, but I'm writing these things. I'll update eventually! Just... not now? Yes, that was meant to have a question mark.

* * *

"I don't _want _to play a match against a stupid first year," Akaya complained. "I don't _want _to waste my time beating him. This is a waste of time. He's going to end up in a hospital, I knowI'm going to win... I don't _want _to play a match with the stupid first year." Meanwhile, the first year in question was hastily setting up the net and putting on his hockey mask to avoid getting killed. He quickly took an empty cart and began to roll it off into the club room.

The rest of the tennis team were watching calmly if not amusedly as Akaya tapped his foot impatiently and finally demanded, "Damn it, whoever you are, hurry up already and start the stupid match!" Gesturing to the cart, he added, "Just shove that in there and get this thing started! You don't have _anything _prepared, do you? Did you even wash your balls?" He pointed to the chartreuse tennis balls accusingly.

The courts fell silent, until Marui finally burst into a fit of explosive laughter.

"That's what she said," Niou blurted.

Akaya stared at his senior. "What?"

"That's what she said," he repeated. "It's a joke... Oh, don't tell me you've never heard of 'that's what she said.' I'm so disappointed in you!"

"Well, what _are _they?" Akaya demanded, serving the ball and scoring a service ace. He prepared to serve again.

"It's like a joke about a sexual thing," Niou said flatly. "For example..." He gestured to Marui, who quickly understood what Niou was trying to do and said:

"Hey, Niou. How was your match yesterday?"

"Oh, it was okay. It was rough and could have gone smoother, and the balls were awfully hard."

"That's what she said," Marui immediately replied, chuckling. "Get it, Akaya?"

"No," admitted Akaya. "But give me another one."

Marui nodded and turned back to Niou. "I went to the bakery again yesterday. The cake fell on the floor, but I ate it anyway."

"You'll put anything white and creamy in your mouth," Niou offered, cackling.

"That's what she said!"

"So I heard you bought a new set of pens."

"Yeah, my friend tried to put an extra one in there. He spent hours trying to stuff it in, but it just wouldn't fit."

"That's what she said."

"I was going to try playing basketball yesterday, but it was too hard. The balls are huge, it's difficult to handle."

"That's what she said!" The two of them were laughing hysterically, and Akaya was watching them blankly.

Sanada was looking thoroughly disgusted, but Yukimura was laughing lightly. Niou turned to Yagyuu, who backed away slightly. "Oh, no," the purple haired man snapped. "I'm not joining in this uncivilized conversation."

"Ah, don't be a fun spoiler," Niou said easily, and poked his tennis racquet at Yagyuu.

"Stop that, Niou-kun," he complained. "You seem to have a strange obsession with poking nowadays. First the pencil in math class, then the test tube in science class. You poke me one more time and I'll rip it right out of you."

"That's what she said," Yukimura cut in, smiling.

Yagyuu took on a horrified expression, and huffed.

"Do you get it now?" the captain asked gently.

"Yes," he answered unconvincingly. "Well, not really, but sort of?" He served another ace, too distracted to go for a Knuckle Serve.

"We can continue this conversation after the match," Niou decided, being mature for once. "Hurry up."

"That's what she said," Akaya offered.

The seven regulars stared at him. "No, that doesn't work," Marui said sympathetically.

"That's what she said," he said again.

Yukimura put a finger to his lips and thought for a moment. "That could work," he agreed hesitantly. "Kind of. It's not one of the big ones, though. It takes a lot of wit to be able to master a 'that's what she said' joke, don't worry. In fact, I think Sanada would be quite good at them!"

Sanada continued to look disgusted, while Jackal and Yanagi exchanged a look, grateful to be left out of the conversation.

"Continue with the match, Akaya," Sanada ordered.

"That's what she said!"

"No, stop saying that."

"That's what she said?"

"_No._"

"These jokes are stupid," Akaya whined. "I don't get it. How is any of this funny?"

"That's because you're saying it wrong!" Marui insisted. "Forget it. Play the stupid match, for God's sake."

Niou frowned, clearly disappointed. "Man, I thought Akaya would have at least been smart enough to get a 'that's what she said' joke. Guess he's dumber than I thought." He said it with the obvious intention of getting the younger boy riled up and angry, and unfortunately, it worked.

Akaya grumbled something under his breath and served a fierce Knuckle Serve, which crashed into his opponent's hockey mask and left a four inch dent. "Stupid lame jokes... not fun at all... make no sense... confusing senpai-tachi... neighbor's damn cat..."

Five minutes later, the match was over, with Akaya winning six games to love (shocker, huh?). Instead of showing triumph, he hurled his racquet to the floor and screamed, "I don't get it!"

The seniors refused to explain the concept any further, and as a result:

"Would you like fries with that, sir?"

"That's what she said," Akaya grumbled.

In another scenario:

"Do your homework, Akaya!"

"That's what she said!" he shouted back.

And, rather ironically:

"As your assistant captain I'm ordering you to finish what you started!" Sanada snapped in regards to a tennis match. "You were screaming so ridiculously loud and you weren't in any pain at all. Next time, no talking. Get the match over and done with, straight to the point. It's just you and the ball, got it?"

"That's what she said," Akaya grumbled.

Niou would have been proud.


End file.
